Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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