maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
