Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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