I wanna bring you to show and tell
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize