Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
