I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize