he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
