i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
