he puts the penis in happiness.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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