Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
