Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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