Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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