Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i need some magic done to my vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
