I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
