She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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