We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
