I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
