his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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