My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
