my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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