How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize