So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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