You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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