how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You ruined the universe
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
