we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize