I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
