Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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