Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
