i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
