tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
