i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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