we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
