please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
