I think my vagina is haunted
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
