dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
