Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
