let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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