Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
