absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
