I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
