I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
