a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
