at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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