we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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