o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
