my vag is so smooth its legendary
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
