What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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