I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
