He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
