I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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