Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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