You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
