woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
