I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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