I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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