i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
