What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
