Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
