WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
