she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
