Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
