used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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