when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found a bag of teeth...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
