I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
