So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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