but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
