It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize