Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
