corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize