You're so nebulous sometimes
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Randomize
