dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
