I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He better not be in your backpack
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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