So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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