I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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