i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
