No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
