weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
