we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
