Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
