I hate all girls vehemently.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
