I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
