They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
