She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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