You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
