1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
