"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
