she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
