I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
