apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
