We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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