she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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