I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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