I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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