she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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