I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
