My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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